I FINISHED THE DES MOINES MARATHON

(Copied from my team-in-training fundraising page, please visit for more marathon and TNT info)

My time was 4:40:11 which was in the range I was expecting so I feel great about that. I also finished feeling like I could have kept going or that I could have gone a little faster – both of which made me feel that it is pretty likely this is not my last one. I met a guy on the course today running a little slower than me that was on his 17th of the year and his 117th overall! He just kept going.

Des Moines

First, the course. The city of Des Moines is such a lovely place. Seriously. The course started downtown which felt clean and organized and there were so many volunteers there helping make the event happen. We started running towards the state capitol with morning sun reflecting off a classical gold dome, very relaxing actually. After a few miles in the business district which included the cheering support of my family, we went past a new sculpture garden, an amazing looking library and then up a hill which led into a beautiful residential district. They definitely took us through the nive part of town which is what you should do when 6500 people come for your race.

One of the neatest things were the number of people in these neighborhoods having outdoor parties for the race which included music of all kinds, not only for the runners but for the parties. We made our way on the Drake University campus where we got to run on the football stadium track and had our pictures up on the scoreboard video screen. 8 of the later miles wound through Des Moines’s Water Works Park which was just fabulous. Lakes, trees, fields, playgrounds, picnic tables. It’s very close to town and claims to be twice the size of Central Park. We left the park on mile 24 and were back in downtown and finished where we started downtown – and again I was greeted by cheering Gilberts.

The Team

Simply, there is no way I would have done this by myself – and I think there is no way anyone else in our group would have done it by themselves either. Fior many of us, making commitments is an entirely different experience when we do it publicly and with others. We set expectations for ourselves but we also do not want ot let our partners down. Being on the Team in Training (TNT)made me commit to raising money to fight cancer and complete the marathon – people were counting on me. That’s a different experience than commiting to myself where it is much easier for me to justify breaking a routine or accomplishing a goal. I need a teammate to help me stop biting my fingernails!

Wearing the purple jersey from TNT also means that I am a member of a team that has thousands of members over 21 years around the country. I was reminded just how special that was when a man wearing a TNT shirt from Illinois found me at the end of the race and thanked me for helping to save his daughter’s life. He explained that is daughter – now 10 – is approaching her five-year anniversary of being cancer free. Being personally thanked by this father for helping to save his child’s life was humbling, gratifying, meaningful, and tear-inducing.

Hard Work

Training and completing this marathon was hands-down the hardest work I have ever done in my life for anything outside of being a parent. I thought a lot about hard work throughout the race today and I realized that my experiences with truly hard work have been in short bursts. This was an experience of sustained hard work by choice no less, that involves complete physical and mental exhaustion.

What’s next?

I’m planning on doing the Lincoln Half Marathon in the spring 2010, hopefully with my TNT buddies and then I’m going to seriously start looking for another one to do next fall. Let me know if you are interested!

October 2009

Again, long overdue. I’m going to try – again – to be better about regular posts here. I am hopeful that as the 2009-2010 school year routine starts to fall into place that I will be able to schedule 30mins or so to work on this blog. I’ve realized – bluntly – that I enjoy writing and I want to become a better writer so I’d better write more frequently.

I get my social media fix through facebook. I enjoy it, I enjoy spending my attention on my friends, and I enjoy the loose connections with people from the many different circles that I’ve been fortunate enough to find myself. But I also want to write a little more and develop some skills that complement the ones I am refining on facebook. A future post will have to be on my thoughts about facebook as full of skill-building opportunities.

I am one week away from running in the Des Moines Marathon with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Team-in-Training (TNT) program.. I have some detailed  updates on the training at my fundraising page but one thought I’ve had this morning that I wanted to put down was about the nature of relationships.   Before I got into this I saw running as an especially solitary thing to do – it really is just a person moving – and now I can’t imagine running as anything other than a social thing.  I didn’t think about this at the time I signed up, but my running this race has connected me with three very different groups of people: people I run with, people with cancer, and people who have donated to the LLS on my behalf.   I socialize with my teammates as we put down the miles, I think about people I know and those that I don’t who are fighting cancer, and I feel I owe something to the people that have responded to my fundraising call.  Without these three groups of people I just simply wouldn’t be doing this ‘project’ even though I obviously started this without them.   I’ll have an update next week after the race. Thanks for revisiting.

March 2009

More apologies for taking so long between posts, I will try to do better.

Quickly with the work update. I am working on a project to help teachers and students think differently about science by training them as science journalists. We have a grant that gives a pilot group of hs and ms teachers and students the technology, training, and access to expertise for them to create short media products explaining how science connects to everyday life. This pilot project will focus on virology and we have partnered with 8 outstanding virology research projects throughout the University of Nebraska system.

Amongst the many challenges is working on a project that I was not involved in the design phase. I believe very strongly that any kind of learning activity has to start with the learners, and I am a big proponent of scenario-based design. This project started with what resources do we have and what can we do not what will students do in a class. The result is that all of the partners and modules are oriented around the production of media and the quality of the product, and not the experience of learners in a classroom. These are not mutually exclusive perspectives but their different orientations require different questions at different times. As this project goes forward, my role is increasingly to ask the question: What are students actually going to do? What are they actually supposed to learn?

Kids: Of course I love them but man, the past few weeks have been really hard.Here are some good things first: Micah’s logic, math, and reading skills are amazing and improving rapidaly. He and I have been playing backgammon recently and he understands the math and is getting better every time at the strategy. He also is getting great at understanding orders of magnitude and has a sense of the difference of ten, hundred, thousand, million, etc. Wow! His reading is also amazing, I overheard him reading out loud ot himself from a Richrd Scarry book the other night; he paused looked up at me I looked at him, and then he kept going.

Noemi is learning how to write her name and loves everything about letters. She is also coming up with more and more complex stories all on her own including one about a cat that sneaks into her brain and steals letters until she is able to thrown him out of the house. She and I spend a lot of time together and she is great at giving spontaneous hugs and kisses, it is wonderful.

On to the stuff that therapists dreams and livelihoods are made of: I actually had the first “Daddy I wish you were dead” yesterday when we were walking home from school. Micah has been thinking and talking about death a lot so I know it is on his mind; I told him “I know you are old enough to understand what that means, so think very hard if you really mean that or if you are just angry” He clammed up and didn’t talk for awhile then seemed to get past it when he saw Sarah coming up the street to meet us. Hearing that was hard; even if I take in the context of a young kid going through a rough period of time and fully confident that he doesn’t mean it. Still hard to hear.

Noemi flipped the stubborn switch a few weeks ago and is now adamant about everything that hers is the only way and hers is the only voice. It used to take quite a bit for her to meltdown and now she seems to hit that melt down phase alarmingly fast. My memories – and admittedly already they are fried – are that Noemi certainly went through mood swings but they were so much more gradual and she was often open to persuasion or even outright bribes before resorting to confrontation. Wow.

So we’re hopeful that both of the kids are working their way through phases and that we as parents are also adjusting to the people they are becoming not who we think they were or should be.

2008 – The year I learned to love facebook

2008 was many things, but I can say with a straight face that getting into facebook was one of the better things that happened for me.

In early 2008 I was struggling with the death of a close friend and  reconnecting with people who have played a role in my life at one time or another just to check in and say hi and I’m thinking about you was healing in a way I needed but would never have predicted.  I don’t think the creators of facebook thought that their tool could help users through profound grief but it sure has for me.

In the second half of 2008, facebook has sustained my need to be connected to adults with whom I have professional and personal connections.  With our move and my transition to a mostly stay-at-home role, the amount of adult interaction I’ve had has significantly decreased.  The frequent though short bursts of activity on facebook give me an outlet that comes close to my workdays at my most recent job at Stanford.  I had brief interactions everyday with a wide variety of people, most of whom I was interested in the one or two sentence updates and a few I was interested in pursuing more in-depth conversations.

A few other directions that I’ve been thinking about:
* Is there such a thing as collective curiosity?  All of this curious energy being explored in facebook by not only me and my network but by every user and their network.  Everyone wondering what people from different parts of their lives are up to, reopening conversations and memories that had been closed.

* I love the amount of collaborative writing taking place on facebook on people’s walls and on groups. Sarah had some nice thoughts about this the other night, thinking about how much energy people put into writing here.

* I am challenged by the diversity of the audience that we can create for what we do here.  Being friends on facebook with my parents and my in-laws as well as some long time family friends makes me think carefully about what I might write.  One way to get over the fear of what future employers might see is to start out by friending your parents and in-laws.

Thanks for reading, and  Happy New Year

Long Overdue – December 2008

The miserable winter storm we’re going through gives me the needed excuse to restart this blog.

The big developments

I’ve started working on a project that I am very excited about.

The Omaha Science Media Project will train a group of high school science teachers and students as science journalists to produce high-qualtiy media products about science.  The hope is that teachers and students will become engaged in science in innovative ways by being challenged to creative narratives around science.  The project has 8 partners including a 46,000 student school district (Omaha),  media producers (NPR, PBS affiliates) , and multiple academic departments from three universities.  My role is to manage the project’s operations especially with respect to the students an teachers participating.  The key piece of this will be a two-week intensive workshop in the summer of 2009 that will result in the design, recording, and some editing of high-quality media products about virology research happening here in Nebraska.

I am balancing this project while managing the kids schedules and trying to keep the house in order.  Even working part-time has given me an incredible appreciation for just how hard it must be to be a single parent.

Beyond work, things are good as there is no doubt we have actually moved here.  The transition was probably easiest for our daughter Noemi (3), she just slid right into her preschool 3 mornings a week and is just overall a very happy little girl.  Micah (5) has taken a little longer with the added transition of starting full day Kindergarten at Washington Elementary School.  He is “here” now and has made some new friends.  He loves school and is so curious about so many things it is absolutely inspiring.  Sarah’s job at the Omaha Community Foundation has proven to be a great match for her and for us.  Her office is just an 8 minute drive (when its not snowing or icy) and the people she is meeting are fascinating. Her job has helped us quickly tap into  a network of interesting people.

As for me, I love that so many things are new here.  I enjoy meeting new people and trying to think through the way people here are different than my circle in California and how they are the same.   In general, I think people here are more true to themselves and put up fewer facades than those in California; I also think that people here have much less direct exposure to the breadth of ideas, places, people, and activities than our community in California. I don’t think either of these perspectives are better or worse, obviously just different.  I’m sure I’ll change my thoughts on this as we meet more people and learn more about just what is happening here.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long delay between posts, I’m resolving head of new year’s to be better about posting more frequently.

The Witching Hours

When I was working a day job in California, I had heard that the late afternoon was usually the longest time with our kids and many other kids.  The whining gets louder, the fighting with siblings gets rougher, and the parents’ inner monologues (and perhaps outer) get fouler.  Just as we try to set up routines for them this is the point in the day where the routines tend to break down.  The reality is that most are just (a) tired even if they nap (b) hungry even if they just had a snack and (c) anticipating the arrival of the other parent from the work day.

So I knew this was the case and sure enough it is true in Nebraska too.  And not just with our family but with families at both of our kids schools.  Right now I am trying to get through the 4-5:30 time slot with a combination of rough-housing in the basement and 30-45 mins of Curious George DVD.  What I’ve been reminded of and humbled by is that my kids are indeed individuals who have their own likes and dislikes and that while they appreciate a schedule they really want to do what they want to do.

For those that don’t have young kids or haven’t had thme in awhile, let me put out a plea to be extra sympathetic to the the parent of a melting town toddler or kindergartener in public if it is in the late afternoon – they still have bedtime to navigate!

Recycling? We just don’t do it

Okay after 8 weeks here I’m ready for my first critical post of life in Omaha.

The biggest shock to me has been the dramatic absence of recylcing bins in public places.  The airport and the zoo are two of the biggies that stand out, places where hundreds of thousands of people pass through every year with many tons of plastic water and soda bottles.  There are plenty of trash cans but not recycling bins to be seen.  At the big swimming pool in the park there is a vending machine and lots of trash cans but not recycling.  At my son’s school where they go through cases of inidivudal sized plastic bottles of milk everyday, no recycling.  At the JCC where our daughter goes to preschool an which has a nice gym where people consume a lot of water in plastic bottles, no recycling.  I had a meeting in a large office building with multiple kitchens and probably 800 people working in the building, again no recycling anywhere.  One exception is In the kitchen at Sarah’s office they do have bins for recyling glass and plastic, go OCF!

Still, it is nearly 2009 and the default in the offices, schools, and many of the homes that I have been in is throw away.

So my first target has been the JCC.  I have been in contact with the facilities manager there and he is researching what it would take to get the recycling bins there.  He even mentioned that there might be state grants available for it. I am planning on following up with him next week.

The next target for me will be the Omaha Zoo.  During my last visit there I saw more than 30 trash cans and not a single recycling bin of any kind.  After that I am going to try and identify the right person to talk with in the school system.  It is a huge missed opportunity in the public schools here.

I even told Sarah the other night that maybe we should buy a recycling truck and start driving around.  This is a biggie for me in terms of thinking about the differences between  where we were living and where I live now.

Reflections on Loss

A different post today.

Last week a cousin of mine in her early 40s suddenly collapsed, fell into a coma and was dead within days.  I’m not quite sure yet of the details beyond that but needless to say many in my extended family are still in shock. She is survived by her mother and two daughters 10 and 7 that she was raising as a single mother.  There are many layers here that I have been thinking about the past few days – I wish I could say that they all tie together in a way that is clear from me but they don’t.  Instead I think about the clarity of death for the deceased and the fog that clouds the living.  This is thick fog for me as I try to sort out what lessons am I supposed to learn about myself, what did I learn from Katie, what do any of us call a good life  – and many others that I’m not sure how to write about yet.

Of course I am thinking about my own kids and what would happen should my wife or I or both of us suddenly pass away.  I’m having trouble reconciling all of the true joys that become apparent with young children and the cold and suddenness of death.  For me it is more than just high highs and low lows; rather, it is much more along the lines of what is the point of it all.  Not in a suicidal way, but more in a way of we make choices, do things for our children, think we are making an impact but it all seems so small.

One thing I didn’t predict about the move is a differnet kind of loneliness when you move – namely the friendships aren’t developed enough in the area for me to really share and listen when something bad happens.  We have the social networks of playdates and babysitting started but not the people to have over for a drink to talk through the unexpected stuff.

Regime Change

Without a doubt, yesterday (8/18/08) was a landmark day in our family – it was the first day of Kindergarten for Micah.  Gulp.

Sarah has been at work for three weeks already and I  have been the stay-at-home parent trying to my best to support almost three year-old Noemi and five-year old Micah.  is Sarah’s first day at Omaha Community Foundation and my first day in full swing as the stay-at-home parent

Noemi also had her first day of school on 8/18 at the Jewish Community Center of Omaha.  It is in the same room and with the same teacher as led her day camp here for two weeks so the transition was fairly smooth.  She is in preschool MWF, 9 – 12, I have her for the rest of the time.  Micah’s Kindergarten is full day here (9-3:45) so I am spending a lot of time with just Noemi.  It has been fabulous to see the world through my preschool girl’s eyes.

With the arrival of our stuff and the unpacking nearing completion combined with Sarah’s being at work, it is quickly becoming clear that this is actually happening – that we have left California and we now live here.

Tonight my neighbor asked me how I was adjusting to being at home, and I said “I don’t know yet – there’s still so much newness and exploration that I don’t feel like I’m at home.  Ask me in November and then I’ll have  a better answer.”

Back to Kindergarten though, what a thrilling experience to take him and pick him up these past few days.  Taking the first day-of-school picture, packing a lunch, and meeting him at the end of the day when he is clearly exhausted.  There’s a brew of innocence, curiosity, excitement, and fear just pushing through his eyes and coming out in his words.

Oh yeah, there are 19 boys and just 3 girls in the class! A neighborhood public school where we wouldn’t have any reason to think otherwise.  I’ll share any info I get on this.

Experiences at the DMV

Since moving here, I’ve had to re-title and re-register two cars as well as get a new driver’s license.  It is easy to set low expectations for a single DMV experience, let alone multiple experiences.  Through these various processes I have had 7 interactions with DMV employees.

And all have been extremely positive, professional, and downright considerate.

Huh?

For example, at the desk to file the registration paperwork I saw a small sign that said cash or check only, no credit cards.  I didn’t have my checkbook with me and began to tell the clerk that I’ll have to come back another day.  And she said, just turn around.  I did so and there was an ATM inside the DMV.  And then she said, “don’t worry about going to the back of the line, I’ll finish some of the paperwork, you get the cash and just come right back to the window.”  I withdrew some cash, came back, gave her the money, she gave me my license plates right there and all of the title/registration paperwork and that was it.  I’m done.  It took 15 or 20 minutes from when I walked in for waiting in line, filling out paperwork, paying registration fees, getting documents, and actually having the license plates in hand.  And then she said thank you, welcome to Nebraska.

Again, just to be clear this is the DMV.

Where am I again?